


Dancing Alone is No Fun

by katmandu



Category: Detroit: Become Human (Video Game)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Dance, Alternate Universe - Human, Angst, Autistic Upgraded Connor | RK900, DEArtfest, Depression, Detroit Evolution, Detroit Evolution Artfest (Detroit: Become Human), Elijah Kamski & Gavin Reed are Siblings, F/F, Gavin Reed Being an Asshole, Gavin Reed is Bad at Feelings, Gavin Reed is an Idiot, Hank Anderson is Connor and Upgraded Connor | RK900's Parent, Human Upgraded Connor | RK900, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, Mental Breakdown, Mental Health Issues, Multi, No Beta, no beta we die like men, slowburn, tags are subject to change
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-08
Updated: 2020-07-22
Packaged: 2021-03-04 19:54:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 8,972
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25101991
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/katmandu/pseuds/katmandu
Summary: Gavin Reed likes to dance, always has and always will. In his childhood he used it to escape his past. Now in college, Gavin makes his life dance and working at a local coffee shop. That is until someone from his past suddenly appears.Richard "Nines" Stern was nothing short of Gavin's weird childhood obsession the minute Nines entered the ballet world and rose to fame.  Then Nines suddenly transfers from his full ride at Julliard to University of Michigan, where Gavin goes, turning Gavin's life upside down.Gavin is pissed and after being forced to work, and live, with Nines, his feelings of hatred turning into something else. It doesn't help that Nines always knows how to help Gavin when he's mid-mental breakdown. It really doesn't help that Nines understands him better than anyone he's met or that Nines doesn't judge him at all. It really doesn't.Needless to say, Gavin is pissed, but for an entirely different reason.(some chapters will have trigger warnings, please tell me if there are every any that needed to be added)
Relationships: Tina Chen (Detroit: Become Human)/Valerie Morales-Chen (background), Upgraded Connor | RK900/Gavin Reed
Comments: 10
Kudos: 17





	1. Winters in Michigan Apparently Suck

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this was going to be a one shot but then my brain being my brain, decided to make this a whole ass fic. it pretty much combines the dancing, college, and human prompts for the DE Artfest this month. i don't know how long this will actually be, but we'll see where it goes i guess.
> 
> also i realize the dancing prompt was probably supposed to be like a wedding dance or something, but dance (like conventions/classes) has been a huge part of my life, so i saw the opportunity, took it and now i'm running with it
> 
> enjoy!!!

As much as he loved to dance, Gavin always loathed long days in his college's studios. He'd much rather be at his apartment playing video games or hang with Tina at one of the many clubs in the city. Not that he didn't like the University of Michigan Ann Arbor's dance program, he just hated focusing on classical ballet or modern every time he went to a technique class. He sat in his still-running car, as he decided whether or not to get out and walk through the snowy parking lot to face his long day of classes. Gavin felt his phone buzz and pulled it out of his pocket while taking a sip of his freezing cold iced coffee. 

**7:23 tina bean**

lazybones, are you still in bed or are you actually coming to class today? and why do you still refuse to drive with me

He rolled his eyes and shot a message back.

**7:24 gavin**

yea, dont make me regret coming today. and for the last time, our classes end at different times and i dont feel like waiting

Gavin grabbed his bag from the passenger seat of his car and opened his door to get out. He nursed his coffee while walking slowly towards the large building where the dance program was held. _Why did I decide it was a smart idea to take ballet and my chem lab back to back? When they're on the opposite sides of campus? Wait I didn't, I was late to sign up and those were the only classes with spots open, so it was an idiot move either way._ Deep in his self-deprecatory thoughts, Gavin didn't bother paying attention to his surrounding area. Before he could stop himself, he walked straight into a pole and dropped his coffee and phone on the cold ground.

Wait, not a pole, poles aren't warm in January in Michigan. He looked up and found himself meeting his gray eyes with very pretty blue eyes of an equally pretty, tall man. _Shit, this is not the time for gay thoughts brain, not now._ Gavin looked away a scooped up his (thankfully) not leaking coffee cup and his (now cracked) phone. 

"I'm sorry, I'm a little lost, can you point me to-" the tall man with the _very pretty eyes_ started to speak but Gavin just brushed him off and walked into the building. 

He scanned the foyer for Tina, seeing if she wasn't in the studio yet. Seeing her in the same corner where they usually met before classes last semester, Gavin walked angrily in a way that people made room for him, not that there were many people in there, to begin with. Dropping into the chair across from Tina, Gavin sighed.

"Phck winter, phck the snow, and phck my brain for having gay thoughts at 7:30 in the morning," Gavin said a little too loudly for comfort, but thankfully no one but Tina noticed. 

"Oh, so you decided to come to the first day of classes this time not hungover? That's a first," Tina snorted, setting down her coffee. Tina still looked the same, not having changed much since they met briefly as young children and then multiple times during their childhood at different conventions and competitions. Now in college, Tina is his only friend, or as of lately, the only person who's willing to put up with his asshole-ish behavior. Gavin knows he should be nicer to people, but fuck, go through what he did in elementary school, and end up with a good personality and mental state is nothing short of a miracle. It shouldn't be an excuse, but damn, sometimes it was hard to face the truth. 

"Har de har, I haven't made that mistake since ballet with Lin freshman year, you know that. I'm not risking it with any other teacher again." Gavin quips back, slowly taking off his winter jacket. He remembers coming back from winter break hungover on the first day of class and just making a fool of himself. He ended up coming back the next day with what he knew was the teacher's favorite snack and coffee was with an apology and determination to focus in class for the rest of the year. Gavin ended up becoming one of the teacher's favorites, much to everyone's chagrin. By then, Gavin's unpleasant attitude was well known, but at least his technique was good from over a decade of learning and performing, and he wanted people to know it. Or he did then, at least. Now, the second semester in his junior year, two years later, he could give a flying fuck of what people thought of him, outside of the teachers.

"Yea, yea, at least you aren't as much of an ass- oh look, over there, that tall pale dude looks just like your type. You should go over there and see if he's in one of your classes." Tina wiggled her eyebrows. Gavin looked over and his stomach dropped, it's the man with the pretty ice blue eyes that he ran into this morning.

"Nope, not doing that," Gavin responded without thinking.

"Why Gavin? Is someone shy?" Tine teased, trying to get a reaction out of him. 

"I may or may not have run into him while walking into here, dropped my coffee and phone, cracking my phone, and then brushed off what he was asking me," Gavin sighed, "Shitty first impressions never set me up well, and I hope to never see his eyes again." Tina smacked him with the notebook she was conveniently holding, though Gavin swore she pulled it out just to smack him.

"Ok that's it if you're not going to talk to him, I am, and you can't stop me." Tina stood up and smirked when Gavin scowled. She walked over to the man, and now looking at him for the second time, he looked familiar. Thinking of where he could've seen him before, something clicked and he did a quick google search to confirm it. 

_Fuck! He just ran into (and brushed off!) Richard "Nines" Stern, probably one of the most well known up and coming ballet dancers in the dance community! The nickname Nines? From the fact that he has nine Youth America Grand Prix awards. Nine! How the fuck was he supposed to compete with that? Fuck, Fuck, Fuck. What the hell was he doing in Michigan of all places? Wasn't he at Julliard?_

"-you really should apologize to him. Hey earth to Gavin, are you even listening to me?" Gavin looked up to see Tina back and staring at him.

"Tina do you not realize who that is? That's _Richard Stern_ ," Gavin hissed at Tina, not really wanting to have attention drawn to him. "Richard Stern, who has _nine_ YAGP Grand Prix titles, and wasn't he studying at Julliard?" Tina rolled her eyes again.

"If you were paying attention to me, you would've heard that I knew that, and he said due to personal reasons he transferred here. I invited him to come with us to the club next time we do, because hey, we will be seeing a lot of each other, and he seems really nice and chill."

Gavin glared at her. 

"You did what? Do you not remember the slight obsession I had with him?" 

"Gavin honey, that wasn't a slight obsession, and you know it. It came super close to becoming a cyberstalking issue. And besides, I thought you were over that by now?" Tina asked, seeming to not tease him, but Gavin knew when he answered, he would certainly be teased. Trying to find a reason to end the conversation, he looked at his phone, to check the time. **7:46** . _Perfect_ , he thought.

"Well would you look at the time, we should head to the studio to stretch and warm-up before class," Gavin says and he stands and stretches. Tina sighed and stood as well. 

"Fine, but we _will_ be coming back to this conversation later. Want me to pick up food on my way back home? My treat," she says sweetly, but her sweetness was laced with venom like a snake, waiting for its prey. Gavin knew if he refused, Tina would come back to their shared apartment and be a lot less unforgiving with him.

"Sure, I guess, what else do I have to lose?" Gavin grabbed his bag as he and Tina walked to their first class of the semester.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> did I spend too much time trying to make this factually correct to the classes for the BFA Dance degree at U of Michigan Ann Arbor? Probably, do I regret it? Not really, sleep is for the weak.
> 
> also idk what my updating schedule will be, hopefully once a week on wednesdays, but im not 100% sure yet, the chapters will come when they come i guess. i have at least two chapters already written, but one is like a future chapter so i have a huge chunk of black space in the story's timeline i need to fill up, so like i said, idk my updating schedule
> 
> if you wanna send me a critique or something like that you can reach me at via twitter at @flamoxgaming
> 
> thanks for reading :)


	2. Older Brothers are Really Annoying

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tina confronts Gavin about his not so subtle looks at Nines, Gavin gets her back. There's a time skip and then Gavin gets some surprising customers at his job as a barista.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I realize I said I was going to update once a week, but let's be honest here, I had this written and I wanted to post it, it may change in the future, it may not, who knows??

Once warming up, Tina let up on the topic, but still somehow figured out how to subtly mention Richard to Gavin. After the fourth time she mentioned Richard, she let up. Of course, not for long, as their teacher walked in, she was talking to someone, and of course, that someone _had_ to be Richard of all people, bag casually slung over his back and jacket neatly held in his arms. A couple of people recognized him and started whispering about it. Tina playfully slugged Gavin in the shoulder to get his attention. Gavin just rolled his eyes and continued to stretch, dropping his head to touch his knees while his hands sat on his feet

Stretching doesn't take a lot of brainpower to do, and Gavin was glad, letting his mind slowly focus back into what he would call his "class mind" and letting go whatever happened this morning. Or he tried to at least. 

Gavin sat back up and shook his legs out, noticing Richard was walking this way. Gavin looked away, trying to focus on his legs instead of the _stupidly gorgeous_ man standing, no now sitting near him. _Stop it with those gay thoughts brain, now is NOT the time for them_. Thank god Tina starts to speak so he can focus on something else.

"So Richard what do you think of the school so far?" Tina asked, genuinely trying to get to know the man better. 

"Please, call me Nines," he smiled, fingers drumming against the side of his thigh, "and I like the school well enough. My brother is here as well doing his graduate work. I believe he is studying something related to biology and engineering? He wants to work for Elijah Kamski after he graduates, but that is as much as I understand what he is doing." Gavin nearly flinched in disgust at the mention of Elijah, but he didn't. Tina glanced at him, almost as a warning, saying _'Don't you fucking dare go off about him, not here, not now.'_

"Ok, so Nines -" Tina started to talk again, as the teacher cleared her throat to get everyone's attention. Gavin zoned out slightly, letting himself go through the motions for this class. Soon enough the class was over, and Gavin said goodbye to Tina and rushed out of the studio. Checking his phone, he had approximately a half an hour to get to his chem lab on the other side of campus, and for once, he didn't want to be late. Of course, he got to class on time, early actually, and paid little attention to the class, as it was just going over the syllabus. 

Gavin walked to his car, got in, and drove back to his and Tina's apartment. 

* * *

That night Tina held to her promises and brought his favorite dish, chicken fettuccine alfredo, and broccoli, from their favorite Italian place. _So she's trying to butter me up to get me to talk, ok then. Two can play at that game._

"So Gavin, stop being a pussy and talk to Nines. I could see you staring at his ass during barre today, you're not exactly the master of subtlety," Tina verbally poked at him.

Gavin quickly retorts, "Ok, I'll talk to him only when you talk to the girl I saw you staring at during center. What's her name? Valerie?" Tina blushed and Gavin knew he won. 

"Fuck off. Fine, I guess we'll both be together in staring at two hot people during class then," Tina shrugged and continued to eat. "Oh yea, when do your morning shifts start back up again at the coffee shop? I need to mentally prepare myself to have you wake up at the crack ass of dawn again." 

"Fuck I forgot. I think next Tuesday? I have to check with my boss," Gavin responded. The conversation returned to normal banter between the two before a shitty movie was played to be the background noise while the two did what little homework they had so far. 

Days of frappes, fouettés, pliés, and pirouettes turn into weeks and months of grand jetés, sautés, échappés, and chaînés. The snow that plagued the city turned to rainy and sunny days and then somehow, it was already spring break. Tina headed to her family in Detroit, but Gavin stayed in Ann Arbor and had the apartment to himself and the cat he found behind the apartment building, which he lovingly named Asshole. Elijah had tried to invite him to come to his house in Detroit, but being the stubborn prick with a grudge that he was, he ignored Elijah completely. Instead, Gavin picked up extra shifts at the coffee shop to bury himself, and his stupid emotions and gay thoughts, to try to not think about the guy with a _nice ass_ and _well-defined muscles_ and _very pretty_ ice blue eyes that somehow managed to worm his way into his life. _And maybe his heart. NOPE STOP IT BRAIN. NOT TODAY._

Resting his arms on the counter of the coffee shop during a slow period, Gavin thought about the last few months, how he was still an ass to Nines - who Gavin had started to compare to a tinman, at first as an insult, but now there’s no malice behind the name - and has started to want to be a dick to Nines less with every conversation with him. Surprising he's having this thought process, because he took extra shifts to stop thinking about Nines, yet, Gavin found himself thinking of the man more and more often every day.

_Tina held her promise and a week or two into February, her and Gavin, and Nines went to one of the dance clubs in the city. Gavin being Gavin got drunk and barely remembered the night after his third or fourth shot of vodka. The next morning was even weirder than he could imagine the previous night was, waking up in his bed with a splitting headache and a glass of water and aspirin on his nightstand. Tina never did that, she normally left him on the couch if he was blackout drunk and never set him out water, stating it was his own fault he got that drunk in the first place, which it normally was. Gavin prayed that he hadn't brought someone home. He got out of his bed, only because he had to work later that day and didn't want to feel like shit. He smelled something being cooked and Gavin nearly had another heart attack. Fucking Richard "Nines" Stern was standing in his and Tina's kitchen cooking fucking breakfast. Nines's whole glorious, magnificent ass was on display in the tight, tight pants that he must've worn last night to the club. Gavin stood there for a minute or two, just staring at the man. Gavin swore he was dreaming until Nines said something._

_"Ah, good morning Gavin. Sorry about this, Tina said I could crash here when I dropped you two off and I figured this was the least I could do," Nines told him, rubbing his hands together, almost like he was worried, but his face was neutral, blank without any emotion. Gavin wanted to insult him, but doing what he found himself doing lately, he just grumbled a “thanks timan” and got himself some pre-brewed cold brew coffee he already had in the fridge. Gavin sighed and dropped onto their couch. He knew he would have to ask sooner or later, and he assumed Nines was the one who got the least drunk between the three of them, granted that he was the one to help them home._

_He heard Nines plating something and got back up to walk to the kitchen. Nines handed him an omelet with bacon, slightly smiling, but it seemed more like a grimace. Gavin ignored that and instead focused on the food._

_"Ok, where did you get the stuff to make this because I'm sure the only things in that fridge are leftovers, coffee, and ice cream."_

_"Surprisingly, all of the stuff to make this was in your fridge already," Nines responded dryly and Gavin snorted and then groaned, pounding headache reminding him of last night._

_"Fine, I believe you, but please tell me I didn't do anything too stupid last night." Gavin said, rubbing his forehead and silently praying that he didn’t try to come on to the man last night. Otherwise, he might just actually jump off his apartment building._

_"Unless you count taking six shots of vodka 'too stupid' after drinking a beer or two, then no, I don’t think you did anything too stupid," Nines responded, sitting stifly on the other side of his couch. Gavin let out a sigh and his body released the tension he didn't know he was holding. Tina told him later that he tried to dance with and grind on Nines and Gavin died of embarrassment inside, and then wondered why Nines didn't say anything about it._

_After that night, Gavin was a little less of an dick to Nines every day, and tried desperately not to think gay thoughts about him. Tina seemed to catch on pretty quickly to what Gavin was doing, but surprisingly, didn't say too much about it._

Gavin was broken out of his thoughts by the door to the shop opening, bell ringing and letting in a short burst of warm spring air, or as warm as it can get in Michigan in April. Gavin moved to greet the person, or persons, and stand behind the cash register. He looked to see who it was, and of course, it was Nines, and someone who looked like a double of Nines except his eyes were brown and his face was softer and had darker bags under his eyes. 

Gavin ignored Nines, who seemed perplexed that he was working here, and turned to the Nines look alike.

"Hi, welcome, what can I get for you?" Gavin said, praying his boss wasn't listening to him not say what he's supposed to. 

The man with the brown eyes thought for a moment, scanning the menu, before saying, "Thanks. I'll take a large iced macchiato with a double espresso. Rich, do you want something?"

"I forgot my wallet at home, so only if you pay," Nines cracked of his not really smiles, but not really grimaces at his look-alike, and Gavin's heart beats faster. 

"Fucking fine Rich. You'll pay next time, I swear."

"Uhuh, that's what you always say Connor. May I have a medium vanilla cold brew? Light on the ice. Thank you, Gavin," Nines said to him, smiling, like _actually smiling and not grimacing_ , and it took a moment for Gavin’s brain to start working again. 

"Yep sure, your total is going to be $9.48. Can I have a name for the order?" Gavin desperately tried not to break protocol because of the man with the pretty eyes again. 

"Connor, thanks," the man with the brown eyes said as he handed Gavin his credit card.

Gavin swiped and returns the card with a receipt. "I'll have your order out shortly." He turned around to start on the order, failing to distract himself from the fact that Nines called him by his first name, and _actually smiled_ , let alone acknowledged him after Gavin had done nothing but be an ass to him. He finished making both drinks quickly and saw them sitting at one of the tables. Since nobody else was waiting in line, he walked their drinks to them. 

Nines is talking about something vividly while the other person, Connor, is just sitting there, smiling. Connor looks up when he sees Gavin coming.

"Ah thank you, er" he looks to find Gavin's name tag, but only half heartedly, "Gavin. Do you go to school here?" The man's eyes are sparkling with some sort of plan and Gavin suddenly feels as if Connor and Tina would get along very nicely.

"Yes, I'm getting my BFA in dance at Michigan," Gavin responds, the crease between his eyebrows creasing in confusion. 

"Great! Cause ya see, I'm moving to Detroit once I graduate this spring to look for work, and my dear brother Rich here is going to need somewhere to live because he can't pay for the apartment we’re in on his part-time job alone, and god knows I don't want my brother living in the shitty dorms as a senior." Before Gavin can respond, Nines cut in.

"Connor what are you doing," Nines hissed at his brother, face flushed, obviously annoyed. Gavin was surprised at the emotion on Nines’s face, as it was normally neutral.

Connor mischievously smiled, and Gavin interjected. "Sorry, I already have a roommate, but if I find someone looking for a roommate I'll let them know Nines. I have to get back to work, my boss will be mad if there is no one behind the counter for too long." Gavin knew his boss wouldn't be mad, but what they don't know won't hurt them and he needed out of that conversation. 

"Of course, of course, thanks Gavin," Connor said sweetly, too sweetly, and Gavin used that as a chance to return to the counter. As he walked away he heard Nines say something.

“Connor what the hell, why the fuck did you do that?” Nines whispered to his brother, but Gavin walked further away to give them their privacy. Thankfully, the brothers left a few minutes later and Connor waved to him on the way out. Gavin sighed when they left and checked to see how long he had left in his shift. 

_Why the fuck did it seem like Nines’s brother already knew who I was before he walked in here?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if you guys want to know what those ballet terms in the time skip mean, here's a link to a ballet terms dictionary (https://ballethub.com/ballet-terms-dictionary/) or you could just google it too
> 
> once again, thanks for reading, comments and kudos are appreciated and the next chapter will be out eventually
> 
> if you want to critique or comment on something, you can reach me via twitter at @flamoxgaming, i'm also on the octopunk media discord server so you should be able to find me somewhere in there too


	3. While Tina Can Be Annoying, She is Not Wrong

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tina decides to move out, leaving Gavin to find a new roommate or move out of his apartment.
> 
> Hint: "And they were roommates. Oh my god, they were roommates."

The rest of his spring break passed without issues and once again, Gavin now found himself at the end of his junior year, having to decide if he was going to renew the lease for his apartment or find somewhere new to live. He waited until Tina was back from her exam that day to ask her.

"Hey, Tina, do you want to sign the lease for this apartment again?" He asked during dinner, praying she would say yes. 

"Oh yea, that's what I wanted to talk to you about. Remember Valerie?" Of course he did, because unlike himself, Tina got the balls to talk to her and ask her out. And of course, Tina almost never shut up about her, especially when she was drunk.

"Yea how could I forget about her Tiny? What is it?" Gavin asked back, picking absentmindedly at his salad in front of him.

"She asked me to be her roommate next year since her old one moved out, I told her I needed to think about it, but I want to say yes, you cool with that? I can help you find a roommate if you want to stay here." Gavin internally sighed, brain coming to a horrible conclusion.  _ Why did it feel like everyone but himself wanted fucking Nines to be a part of his life?  _ Gavin tried to smile at Tina, but ended up grimacing instead. 

"Yea that's fine. Unfortunately, I think I know someone who needs to find somewhere to stay, and while you'll be happy when I tell you who it is, it's gonna phck up my life," he responds.

"Oh bet, let me text Val and let her know, and you, mister, better tell me who this mystery person is," Tina says, wiggling her eyebrows again, fingers tapping on her phone screen. 

"Phck you want to know that badly,” Gavin sighed, running his hand through his hair “it's Nines ok? He and that brother of his came into the coffee shop over spring break and his brother pretty much spelled out that his brother needed somewhere to live this upcoming year and pretty much was asking me? So phck guess I'll ask him because I don't feel like trying to find someone I barely know or somewhere dirt cheap to live or to go back to the dorms for my senior year." Tina looked up with a big smile on her face, eyes gleaming. He definitely knew Tina and Nines’s older brother Connor would get along now. Tina was practically making the same face Connor had when Gavin walked up to their table

"Go for it. Maybe you actually will have to try harder if you still want to be a dick to him, or ya know, you could, like be nice for once," Tina responded, motioning for him to text Nines. Gavin would admit, he had been a dick to Nines, but that’s how he was to almost everyone.

_ Fuck fine I guess I'll do it _ , Gavin thought to himself.

**5:57 gavin**

hey if u still need somewhere to live my roommate is moving so u could take her spot. just let me know by the end of the day tomorrow so i know whether or not to wait to renew the lease. thanks ig

"Ok so now that's done, so  _ maybe _ , you’ll get off of my back, when are you moving in with Valerie? I swear you two are Uhaul lesbians through and through." Gavin smiled, happy for his friend, ignoring the feeling settling in his stomach like it’s a pit of despair.

"Her old roommate is moving out tomorrow, so she said anytime after that. I'll probably move once you have a roommate ready to move into my room," Tina said, standing up from the couch in their living room. "Let me take care of the dishes since you did dinner, and then want to watch a rom-com for old times sake?"

Gavin actually smiled this time. "Sure Tina, I'll let you know when I get a response." Gavin almost said another silent prayer that Nines would say he figured it out, but Gavin also didn’t want to move, so conflict erupted in his stomach next to the ever growing pit of despair.

Later that night, Gavin couldn't sleep. Not that it was anything new, insomnia was a bitch and Gavin knew it, but this time he couldn't sleep because he was nervous.  _ If Nines actually moves in with me, fuck, that means I'll have to let down my guard some, and not be such an ass, or do I? I could still be an ass, but just be an ass he lives with? I don't know, why the fuck do I think of these things at 3 am? _

Gavin decided to shift in bed again, waking his cat, and picked up his phone. He has a unread text, and because 3 am Gavin is sleep-deprived and a sleep-deprived Gavin always makes stupid mistakes, he opened the text.

**1:23 tinman with an ass (9s)**

really??? thank god, my brother was so close to refusing to move and live in ann arbor for another year just so I didn't live in the dorms as a senior. I don't know why he's like that, but thanks, when can I move in or do you want to meet and talk about it first?? thanks :)

_ Why in the absolute mother flipping fuck does it seem like every godly and ungodly thing in this fucking universe wanted this tinman, Richard "Nines" Stern, to be a part of my fucking shitty life? And FUCK why does Nines have to go and fuck with my heart like that? Thank the fucking lord I don't have work tomorrow, I'm definitely not sleeping tonight, not with this overthinking mind of mine. _

**3:04 gavin**

ok sure, come to the apartment at like 12ish tmrw, if u bring coffee i wont complain

Gavin realized he should probably tell Tina too. As he texted her, the pit of despair grew, enveloping the conflict that stopped. 

**3:05 gavin**

hey t, 9s said yes to living in ur old room, hes coming by around 12 tomorrow, told him i wouldnt complain if he brought coffee, just a heads up

Gavin set an alarm for 11:30 with the hopes to actually sleep that long, put his phone down somewhere where his cat wasn't laying, and slowly fell into a restless sleep, that thankfully was free of nightmares. 

\-------

Gavin woke up and his alarm wasn't going off. He looked at his phone to see what time it was.  **9:46** .  _ Welp, I'm not going back to sleep now. _ Turning off his alarm, he laid in his bed for a couple more minutes before his stomach got the best of him, forcing him to roll out of his bed and walk into the kitchen for food. Tina was up already, eating cereal, and moving around half-filled boxes that magically appeared overnight.

“Tina, where did all these boxes come from?” Gavin asked, thoroughly stumped, or possibly still in a daze after just waking up.

Tina turned around when she heard him. “I kept them from when we moved in at the end of freshman year. Figured one of us would move out eventually and it would be handy to keep them. Guess I was right?” Gavin hummed in response.

“Eh ok, so Imma guess you’re moving in with Valerie tomorrow then? I’ll let Nines know when he comes by later.” Gavin moved to the kitchen to get something to eat. Grabbing a bowl of cereal, Gavin plopped down on the couch. 

“WAIT THAT’S RIGHT!” Tina jumped over the back of the couch and sat next to Gavin with a very wild and excited look on her face. “I’m staying here when Nines comes because I want to see the gay shit show that’s gonna happen.” 

“What… what… no,” Gavin sputtered. “Pff, me? Be gay for that tinman? No… jk, unless?” Tina raised one of her eyebrows, silently questioning Gavin. 

“Nah, I’m just fucking with ya. As if I would like someone with a stick up his ass like him T,” Gavin continued, playfully slapping her arm.

Tina rolled her eyes. “Sure, because why else would you so suddenly ask him to move in here when I said I was going to move out, it's not like you suddenly don’t hate everyone else, right? Suddenly decided to be nice to everyone overnight? And not that Nines is someone you were obsessed with as a teen and now know him in real life and he’s hot as fuck and has an ass you can’t stop starting at? Sure, ok then Gavin. Whatever you say.”

Gavin then decided to deflect Tina’s statement like the absolute coward he is when it comes to emotions.

“So Tina, do you need any help packing up the shit storm that is your room?”

“Pfft. Shit storm? You’re the one to talk about that. I don’t think I’ve seen the entire floor of your room more than twice in the entire two years I’ve lived in this apartment,” Tina laughs, accepting Gavin’s change in topic. “But yes, I would gladly take the help, so I can pay attention to your gay shit show with Nines in a few hours.” Gavin sighs and rubs the bridge of his nose.

“Jesus christ Tina, I’m not going to be able to keep you from saying that am I?” Gavin stood up, shoving half of the cereal in his bowl into his mouth, and headed to the kitchen to put the other half in the trash, no longer hungry, stomach in knots after Tina’s teasing. 

The next few hours passed rather quickly, Tina and Gavin packing Tina’s things while listening to a random playlist on Tina’s phone at such a high volume, they didn’t hear the knocking at the door at 12:03 pm. It wasn’t until Gavin’s phone started vibrating from a phone call that he was ignoring (because we all know this man would never have his phone’s ringer on), that they turned down the music and heard faint voices from outside of their apartment. Gavin walked over to the door and opened it to see what was happening in the hall.

To his surprise, because he’s an idiot and forgets when he plans things, Nines was standing there, three cups of coffee in a travel tray in his hand, dressed in a  _ really tight _ multicolored striped shirt tucked into a pair of cuffed skinny blue jeans with a pair of mustard yellow vans.  _ Of course, only Nines would be able to look good in mustard yellow, wait no- nope I’m not going to think gay thoughts about my future roommate. Nope, not today my one, gay braincell.  _ Nines’s brother, Connor, was also there. 

Gavin stood there for a moment before his brain started working again. “Uh, hi Nines, Connor, come in I guess,” Gavin said, opening the door more and rubbing the back of his neck because of his awkwardness. 

“Great, I’ll leave now. See you later little bro” Connor slapped Nines’s back, smiling, and then started to walk away. “Have fun and don’t cause too much trouble Nines!” Gavin and Nines stared at the man until he rounded the corner of the hall and disappeared. 

“Sorry about him, I haven’t the foggiest clue why he wanted to come up here with me. But here, you said you wouldn’t mind if I brought coffee? Sorry, I didn’t know what you and Tina liked, but I asked one of your coworkers and they seemed to know? I hope you don’t mind,” Nines handed him the tray of drinks, while picking one up, which Gavin assumed was his. 

“Uh yea, thanks Nines,” Gavin paused as Nines entered the apartment to shut the door behind him, “Sorry for the mess, Tina is packing up right now, she’s moving out tomorrow.” Tina popped her head out of her room at the mention of her name.

“Hi Nines!” she said, smiling and waving. “Just let me know if you want to see the room at all.” Tina disappeared back into her room, sounds of fabrics rustling and Girl in Red escaping through the cracked door. 

“Wait Tina” Gavin half-yelled to her. “Nines brought coffee, do you want it or not?” 

“Coffee? Yes please, thanks Nines!” Tina came out, got her coffee from Gavin, and retreated to her room once again.

Gavin once again rubbed the back of his neck. “Shit, I didn’t really think this through.” He turned to Nines, tilting his head slightly upwards so he could try to look at Nines’s face instead of awkwardly looking at his chest, Nines didn’t meet his eyes, instead looking around the room. “I guess I’ll tell the landlord one person is moving out and a new one is moving in and then we can sign the lease? Do you want to look around, cause like, shit, this is where you’ll be living?”

“Sure Gavin, I’d love to,” Nines responded softly, briefly looking down at him. Gavin looked away as his heart started to be faster and he knew if he looked in a mirror, his face would be flushed. 

They did indeed, walk around the rather small apartment. Nines was smiling for most of it, and Gavin was paying attention to him more than the apartment, much to Tina’s amusement, who was now moving boxed into the living room for convenience, and to watch what she was calling “the gay shit show.” She shot knowing glances at Gavin that Nines thankfully didn’t see or say anything about. 

“Uh yea, hey Tina, what time are you leaving tomorrow?” Gavin asked, as he and Nines were sitting on the couch, coffees finished, discussing the logistical matters bills and their schedules. Tina dropped a box on top of the other five sitting behind the couch. 

“Hmm, I think I’ll start loading my car at 10ish? Val’s free all day tomorrow so I don’t need help unloading at her apartment. I think I’ll be out of here by 11 at the latest,” Tina sat down in an armchair that’s rarely used, perpendicular to the couch. 

“Ok, so Nines, you can move in tomorrow afternoon at the earliest? I have to work tomorrow morning, I got the opening shift, but I should be here the rest of the day after 11ish,” Gavin paused, thinking. “Yea. I’ll be here anytime after 11:30 tomorrow. You cool with that?” Gavin shifted to face Nines more on the other end of the couch, hand vaguely waving in his direction.

Nines nodded his head. “I am fine with that. I have some of my stuff already packed, mainly because I didn’t unpack all of it when I moved in with Connor this past December. Tomorrow afternoon should work for me. I have a feeling Connor is going to want to help but I’m not going to stop him, he’d be too annoying if I did,” Nines responded, cracking one of his half-smiles, half-grimaces. 

“Hang on, I forgot about the most important person in this household!” Gavin stood up and walked straight to his bedroom. Nines looked to Tina in confusion, and Tina just shrugged. Opening the door, he found Asshole laying on a pile of his dirty clothes. Gavin picked up Asshole and calmed the calico with scritches behind her ears.

Walking back into the living room, cat in arms, Gavin said, “Are you cool with cats? I found her behind the building a couple months ago. She normally stays in my room, but her food and water bowls are in the kitchen and her litter box is in the bathroom for the sake of convenience.”

Nines paused before responding. “Yes, I am, unless they’re very, very vocal.” Gavin smiled and continued to pet the calico lounging in his arms.

“Lucky for you, this one isn’t, unless you forget to feed her, which I rarely do.” Gavin eventually let Asshole down, and sat on the couch again. He and Nines talked a little longer before Nines realized he should go home.

“Thank you. I should go home and pack then. I will see you tomorrow?” Nines stood up and smiled. 

“Course tinman, see you tomorrow.” _Maybe not being a dick to Nines isn't so bad._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yea so that happened, Gavin is a gay idiot with insomnia and we've been known about it.
> 
> also if you like wanna see what nines was wearing that make gavin's one brain cell lose it's function, here's a link to the outfit:  
> https://www.pinterest.com/pin/841469511606148859/
> 
> thanks for reading!! hopefully i'll have the next chapter out next wednesday (7/22/20) but i can't make any promises, executive dysfunction and depression are bitches


	4. Gavin's an Idiot, but We've Been Known

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gavin goes to work, comes home and reality and anxiety hit him. Nines tries to help, but oops, Gavin's an idiot

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi, yes, thanks for reading!!! it means a lot to me :)
> 
> trigger warning for this chapter: anxiety attack   
> if you don't want to read that part, it starts at "By the time he was at his apartment, it finally hit him hard.." and ends at "Gavin stood up, slowly."

The minute Nines left the apartment, Gavin sighed with relief and collapsed on the couch with a big  _ oof _ . Asshole proceeded to lay on her owner’s lower face and neck, earning a grunt from the man. Tina came and sat on his feet and legs.

“So Gavin when are you two getting married?” Tina asked. Gavin didn’t even need to look to know she was grinning like a madman. 

“Fuck off T, as if I’d like a tinman like him and he’d like a piece of shit like me. He’s just living here so he doesn’t have to keep living with his brother. And from what I can tell the tinman is just as friendless as I am, so he probably didn’t know anyone else to move in with. Plus I don’t like him, I tolerate him at best most days,” Gavin continued, forcefully relocating Asshole from his face to his stomach. 

“Sure Gavin, whatever you say. Just don’t come crying to me when you realize you’re head over heels for the dude and don’t know what to do.” Tina responded, hand running over Assole’s fur, smirk plastered on her face.

“Now, how about we play some Smash?” Tina jokingly asked. Gavin sat up, rolling his eyes.

“Bet you bitch”

“Ok you twink.”

* * *

Gavin laid in his bed, wide awake at 1:37 in the morning. He and Tina had played Smash and then a couple other games until around 11, when Tina decided to call it quits. Gavin had considered playing more, but realized he had to be up at 4, and decided against it. He sighed, digging the heel of his palms into his eyes, rubbing hard.  _ Again, fuck insomnia _ . He shifted, to lay on his side, trying to sleep again. Sleep wouldn’t find him. 

So he decided to be productive and clean his room. At 2 in morning, because yes, normal people totally do this. He picked up the piles of dirty clothes Asshole liked to sleep on —waking Asshole in the process— and tossed them in the hamper, mentally making a note to do the laundry, knowing full well that he would forget. He then proceeded to put away the stack of clean clothes that were on top of his dresser, rather than in it. He yawned, satisfied with his sleep-deprived work.

Gavin felt a lot more tired than he did when he started and laid back down on his bed, actually falling asleep as his head hit the pillow. 

* * *

4 in the morning came a lot sooner than Gavin wanted it to.  _ Fuck me for taking the opening shift _ . He rolled out of his bed, trying to find the set of clothes he was going to wear to work. He cursed, remembering that he had put them away when doing his middle of the night room cleaning session. Digging them back out of his dresser, Gavin shuffled to the bathroom, took a quick shower, just trying to wake up, and put on his clothes —a t-shirt from Ann Arbor Coffee Company, the coffee shop he works at, and jeans— and prayed he still had some food in the kitchen to eat. If not, he planned on using his free food item for the day for his breakfast. 

Grabbing his first coffee of the day from his fridge, Gavin downed half of his cup of cold brew plain. The bitter taste went down his throat smoothly, waking him up. Satisfied that he was awake enough, Gavin shoved on his Doc Martens that he wore everywhere he could, grabbed the keys to his car, and walked out of his apartment, praying he’d get to work on time. 

* * *

Gavin, actually, did get to work on time, granted that would be if one classified “15 minutes before opening and 5 minutes before his other co worker were supposed to be there” as on time. Thankfully when Chris walked into the coffee shop, as Gavin was hastily setting up, he said nothing and helped Gavin. Maybe because Chris was a theatre major he understood the restless, chaotic sleep schedule Gavin has. The duo fell into a silent tango as customers slowly streamed into the small cafe. It was around 9 am Gavin silently groaned as a recognizable face entered the shop. Chris was making the drinks of another order, so Gavin had to take care of the customer. 

“Hi welcome to Ann Arbor Coffee, how may I help you today?” Gavin said begrudgingly, barely meeting the eyes of the smug, brown eyed face looking at him. 

“Ah yes, hi Gavin, a little birdie told me my brother is moving in with you today,” Connor smirked and Gavin scowled. 

“Yes, ok. And what would you like to order? Otherwise I am going to have to ask you to leave sir so you don’t hold up the other customers.” One of Connor’s eyebrows rose a little, face in a state of confusion briefly, before returning to its usual smugness.

“I would like a medium vanilla iced coffee and a blueberry muffin.” he paused. “Oh and if you ever hurt my brother, I’ll hurt you. Ok?” Connor touched his thumb and pointer finger together in the ok gesture, a small smile on his face, eyes crinkling.

Gavin rolled his eyes in his mind, but kept his face neutral, “Of course, I wouldn’t expect anything less.” Gavin paused, putting in the order and prompting for payment. “Your total will be $8.52.” Connor handed him a twenty.

“Change is $11.48. Your order will be out shortly.” Gavin handed the brown eyed man his change and swapped with Chris to make the order. Soon it was done he went to the edge of the counter, where Connor stood, reading something on his phone.

“Ah thanks Gavin. See you later!” Connor slipped his phone into his pocket and gleefully took the drink and muffin. The man walked out the door and Gavin sighed with relief.  _ Well fuck me gently with a chainsaw. This afternoon will be interesting. _

About a half hour later, the shop was quiet, flow of people reduced significantly from earlier. Gavin was leaning back against the counter along the wall, sipping his third helping of cold brew since he arrived at the shop that morning, probably not the best habit he could have, but Gavin figured being addicted to caffeine was better than drugs or alcohol. Chris settled against the same counter, not next to him, but not super far away either.

“So Gavin,” Chris started, “Who was that man earlier, the one with the brown eyes? He seemed to know you.”  _ Of fucking course Chris is going to try to know, he always tries somehow gets into everyone’s life stories. What do I have to lose, guess I could humor him. _

“He’s my new roommate’s older brother. I’ve met him a couple times now.”

Chris’s eyebrows rose. “Wait Tina moved out? Where?” Gavin rolled his eyes, not realizing Tina literally made the decision only two days ago and probably hasn’t told everyone yet.

“With her girlfriend, Valerie.”  _ Short, sweet, and to the point. I swear to god if he asks about Nines—  _

“Then who’s your new roommate?” Chris asked. Gavin sighed internally.  _ Fuck. _

Gavin paused before responding. “Richard Stern,” he mumbled, praying Chris didn’t ask again. 

Chris’s face was one that could be described as nothing but excitement. “Couldn’t hear you Gav, can you say that again.”  _ Damn snarky motherfucker knows exactly who it is.  _ Unfortunately Gavin is right, and Chris has heard Gavin complaining in his sleep deprived state about Nines one too many times in the early mornings while opening the shop. 

Gavin glared at the man, then looked away, face slightly pink. “Phck you, it’s Richard Stern.” Chris laughs.

“Ah, and soon we will have lost another comrade to the world of romantic relationships. First Tina, now you.”

“What?” Gavin’s voice cracked, his eyebrows creasing and gave an awkward smile, face even more pink now, pushing towards looking like a tomato.

“You heard me. I bet you two will be together in less than a year, mark my words.” The door to the shop opened, a couple customers coming in. Chris went to the register to meet them.

“For the last time, I don’t like him, I barely tolerate him!” Gavin said to Chris’s back. Then he whispers to himself “He does have a nice ass.”

* * *

The rest of Gavin’s shift goes by without issues. A little teasing from Chris during a few slow moments, but everything else went smoothly. At 11:30 sharp, Gavin left Ann Arbor Coffee Company, with Chris reminding him of what he said. He shook his head as he made his way to his car. The short 10 minute drive back to his apartment was filled with classic rock and Gavin was glad for deciding to not take any classes this summer. It meant he had to remember to keep stretching and do his own barre combos every 3 days or so to retain technique and flexibility but it beat spending all day every day in a studio at an intensive. 

By the time he was at his apartment, it finally hit him hard what he had gotten himself into, or  _ who _ he had gotten himself involved with. It took Gavin’s shaky hands three tries to unlock his apartment door. Once open, he stepped inside, shut the door, leaned his back against his door and slowly slid down to the floor. He sighed, voice —and breath— shaky.

Blurring. Blurring. Blurring. Tears pooled the eyes, threatening to fall with a single push.  _ Something’s wrong. Something’s wrong.  _ The breath hitched and breath couldn’t be found. In and out, in and out, count to 4, then 7, then 8, 4, 7, then 8, 4, 7, 8.  _ Nines doesn’t want to be your friend, he’s just going to use you and leave. _ Shallow breaths accompanied tears falling down cheeks, past hands and onto pants. Eyes couldn’t focus. 4, 7, 8, in and out, through the nose, in and out, 4, 7, 8. Mouth dry, bile rose in the throat.  _ You’ll never find anyone who can stand you. You are such an ass and everyone hates you for it. _ Tears kept falling and a deep breath could not be found. Chest tightening, hands clenching and unclenching, shallow breaths continued.  _ You’ll be alone forever. _

Time passed, but the amount of time remained unknown. Time is a construct, made to structure our lives. What is structure when there is not anything that makes sense? The world is blurry. _ No one will ever want to be with you. _ Breaths were still shallow, tears kept falling. The pain in the chest eased away.  _ Something’s wrong, something’s wrong. _ In and out, 4, 7, 8, 4, 7, 8, through the nose, in and out, 4, 7, 8. Hands gripped the shirt, pulling away from the tightening throat. 

Suddenly there was a knock from the other side of the door. The body didn’t move. While glad to be momentarily distracted, the mind brought the previous train of thought back online.  _ That’s your landlord coming to kick you out. _ The breath hitched again, a new wave of tears on the cusp of falling.  _ Or it’s Nines, coming in person to tell you he hates your guts and refuses to move in. _ The chest’s pain flared again. The world hastily went in and out of focus. Hands pulled at hair, body shuddering. 

A knock came again, followed by a voice. 

“Gavin? Are you there?” The voice stirred something within the mind. This voice was one of kindness, belonging to one that the heart is fond of. The mind forced a response.

Quietly, barely audible, the voice said, cracking, “Here- I’m here.” The ear could hear a soft conversation on the other side of the door.  _ They don’t care about you, they just want you to be properly focused on them as they bring you down. _ The footsteps followed the end of the conversation. The soft knock on the door catched the mind’s attention once more. 

“Hey Gavin, I’m going to call you alright? I want you to answer your phone ok?” The voice said again. The minute the phone rang the heart took control and answered.

**Hey Gavin, just breathe, okay? I know it’s probably going to sound redundant, but just breathe, okay?** The body managed to softly snort.  _ Yea right dipshit, what else have I been doing? _

__

**I’m going to guess your shoulders are tense so please, just relax them.** The body relaxes the back from its hunched position to lean against the door once more and the wish of the other voice.  **What do you need?**

The heart convinced the mind to force an honest response, certain the mind and heart of this voice could be trusted.

“Distraction. Grounding. Change of thought.” The voice softly spoke.  _ He doesn’t care, he doesn’t care _ . 

**Okay. I’m just going to talk, okay Gavin? I’m not going to leave.** The throat, which had loosened with the distraction, tightened again.  _ He’s mad, he doesn’t want to help you. He hates you. Why would anyone like an ass like you?  _ The tears on the cusp of falling fall like a dam broke. The hands cup the face again, the back hunching. The breath hitches and remains shallow. 

**I know it’s redundant, but breathe, please.** The voice paused.  **I get it, I get anxiety attacks of my own. They suck ass, but in the end, they’re temporary.** The body tensed, and slowly relaxed. The world went in and out of focus for a minute, but the eyes focused.  _ Nines, Nines is here to help. We can trust Nines, we can trust, we can trust, we can trust.  _

**Hey Gavin, let’s take some deep breaths, okay? I’m right here. You can get through this.** The body relaxes, the throat loosening, bile disappearing down the throat.  _ Okay, okay, deep breaths, they’re not so bad, right? It’s just breathing. Just breathing hah. He hates this, you know? He feels  _ **_pity_ ** _ for you. He sees you as weak, you’re vulnerable.  _

The body takes a deep breath, following the voice coming from the phone. The body continues to take deep breaths, and the tears stop flowing. The hands slow their shaking. The mind calms down. 

Gavin stood up, slowly. He hung up on Nines and he heard confused words from the other side of the door. He’d let someone too close, and now he did what came natural to him, being an ass. Opening the door, he saw through red eyes, Nines sitting, with moving boxes next to him and forgotten pizza boxes blocking half of the hallway.

“Gavin?” Nines tilted his head like a dog, voice soft.

“First, I’m fine, thanks or whatever, I’m fine. Second, keys are on the table, move in whenever. Your room is the one with the open door. I’ll be in my room, don’t bother me.” Gavin turned on his heel, walked straight to his room, and closed the door swiftly behind him. 

As he walked away he could hear Nines say “Gavin, wait-” then pause and say “J'aimerais juste pouvoir vous aider davantage.” 

Gavin felt a pang in his heart at the sentence, but ignored it and collapsed on his bed, not even removing his shoes. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yes, both gavin and nines speak french but for entirely different reasons which i will not tell you at this time
> 
> also that phrase will remain untranslated by me but you guys can google translate it if you want
> 
> after writing this chapter, i realized i'm going to eventually end up tagging this as a slowburn, so be prepared for ~tension, angst, and ignorance~ 
> 
> the next chapter should come out next wednesday, 7/29/2020, but i am re-planning out the majority of the fic, solely because of this chapter, so it might take longer for it to come out
> 
> thanks for reading and take care of yourself you lovely people <3


End file.
